Joseph Tapine’s tears are for a man he isn’t in touch with these days.

They are for his dad.

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Tapine had a humble childhood in Wellington, New Zealand, with a hard-working mum and no family car; he didn’t learn to drive until he met his wife, Kirsten. He and his big brother and sister walked themselves to school and footy training, or took the bus. They knew no better and were happy.

His father was a gang member.

“He was in Black Power, which was one of the main gangs back home,” Tapine, one of rugby league’s elite front-row enforcers, told Jake Duke on Fox League’s Face to Face.

“We grew up around them. My uncles, his mates were in it as well. But I remember the good things – like we would have barbecues, we would have games of touch footy down at the park, and he’d have all his mates and all their kids play.

“I didn’t … yeah, there was drinking and drugs around that, which I don’t remember much; I remember it’s around, but it’s not the main focus of my childhood when I was growing up. It was more, he’ll get his mates and I’ll play at the park until he was ready to go home.

“I think he maybe went to prison before me and my siblings were born. He drove us away from that life as well, he said he wanted better for us and not to follow him down that path.”

Reflecting on those conversations, Tapine became emotional and whispered “sorry” as tears came.

“We don’t keep in touch. He’s a good fella, but he’s got some stuff to…” Tapine said, recalling how and why he moved to Australia.

“I wanted to get out of ‘Wellies’, I wanted to get out of New Zealand. I wanted to probably have a different life. And I had a thought, if I didn’t crack league … I wanted to be a builder and they pay way better over here.”

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Tapine joined the Newcastle Knights in 2013, still in his teens. When not playing football, he worked in an Ingham’s chicken factory and “hated it”.

His raw talent was obvious at the Knights, but so were some early demons.

“I loved the drink. I would get drunk and we would have captain’s run the next day,” he said.

“So I was buzzing I was playing first grade, but I didn’t realise what it meant.”

Wayne Bennett gave Tapine his debut in 2014, despite one of his drinking sessions. Tapine had a big night for his 20th birthday and didn’t front for training the following day… then froze when he saw Bennett’s name pop up on his phone.

“He rang me and said, ‘Hey mate, where are you?’ And I said, ‘Oh, am I in today?’” Tapine recalled with a laugh.

“And then he goes, ‘Yeah mate, you’re on debut this week – hope you’re not too hungover from the party last night!’ So they all knew.”

Tapine played just 20 games for the Knights; which he now sees as a blessing in disguise, given that he’s risen to stardom and the club captaincy in Canberra. But it took him time to grow into leadership; alcohol wasn’t the only problem early in his career.

“Pokies was bad. I was blowing pay cheques on it,” he said.

“Because I came over, I didn’t know money when I was growing up, we didn’t have much and I didn’t know how to organise it; didn’t know you had to buy a house, didn’t know all this investing, all that stuff. So I was getting money, young kid and I was, ‘Oh, yeah. Drink and gamble, I’m gonna get paid next month, this will keep coming in’.

“I remember one time we, when you do pre-season, probably like just under 10 grand came into my account and that was probably gone in a week or two.

“I hate owing people money as well, that thing annoyed me. I was becoming that person and my wife gave me an ultimatum.

“I don’t think I’d be where I am (without her) … I was spiralling a bit when I was at Newcastle. That was probably just when I met her, but then once we locked in and wanted to get serious, she put her foot down and said, ‘We’re not having that’. Which is what I needed at the time, I needed someone to tell me, ‘Mate, you’re not unbeatable’.”

Tapine was also charged over a 2014 altercation while in Newcastle; the charges were dropped the following year. It became apparent to him that he needed a fresh start.

“I was in a bad spot but I didn’t feel supported at the time as well,” he said.

“I was comfortable where I was living, I loved Newcastle as a place, had a lot of friends, but ultimately I needed to change what I was doing and change of environment’s probably the best way to do that.”

Tapine said then-Knights coach Nathan Brown made him train alone after he decided to join Canberra. The club said it would only agree on a release if he joined the Roosters, despite Tapine having agreed a deal with the Raiders; having found trouble in Newcastle, he didn’t like his chances living in Sydney.

Once he did make it to Canberra, things changed. He became a New Zealand Test player and his 100th NRL game was the 2019 grand final; a devastating loss to the Roosters, from which he still rues a lazy defensive play on the tryline that let opposition hooker Sam Verrills score.

His 100th game for the Raiders also came against the Chooks and saw him score his favourite NRL try: a sensational solo effort at the SCG that destroyed the Tricolours’ defence with footwork and power.

A proud Maori man, Tapine continues a fine tradition of champion Kiwi props in Canberra, such as John Lomax and Quentin Pongia. He wears Pongia’s Raiders player number on his training shirt, and it also adorns his locker; he fancies that he’d have enjoyed a beer with the late icon.

Another legendary prop, Raiders teammate Josh Papali’i, is a great mate. Yet wife Kirsten and daughter Ilua are Tapine’s greatest rocks.

Kirsten is forthright – as Raiders coach Ricky Stuart discovered after a 2021 game against South Sydney, when she posted an Instagram story criticising his coaching and treatment of her husband. The post went viral.

“You have an international player warming your bench for 50 minutes … Your interchanges are killing us!!!“ she wrote on her story.

“Refs call count means jak (sic) when coaches are (rubbish bin emoji).”

The fallout became so big that there were suggestions Tapine, who was down on form at the time, may leave the club. Instead, it was a turning point in his relationship with Stuart, one where he put his ego to the side and matured.

“I thought after that I might be on my way. Thankfully not, I love this club and I’ll probably play the rest of my footy here,” he said.

“But at the time I thought, yeah, maybe I’m not wanted and for me, that’s a huge part… when I play, I want to play for someone that wants me.

“I think the thing with me and ‘Stick’, we’re similar people. We just needed to sit down and have a chat man to man.

“We always had a good relationship, me and ‘Stick’, but that brutal honesty probably brought it forward a bit more. He can come to me now whenever he wants, text me, and say, ‘I need this’, or, ‘I need you to do that’.

“And it’s easy now, where before I was probably hard to coach. That ego thing, you know, some people don’t want to be wrong and that’s something I had to work on. I’m grateful it happened, even though it was in the media.”

Tapine, 31, is now a Raiders great. He has been at the club almost a decade, was made captain for this season and just brought up his 200th NRL game, wearing lime green against Melbourne last month; which Kiwi teammates celebrated with a haka in the Raiders sheds.

He is intent on winning that elusive premiership, the club’s first since 1994 – though says he’d be almost as proud if it arrived after his retirement, having laid the foundation just as he does every game for Canberra.